Little Mama Otter

Heads up, Babywearing Fanatics! ;)

2010-03-14T13:41:00.000-07:00

Check out the Spring Baby Carrier Giveaway at Lil Daisies, a fellow blogger! $50 towards a friend's baby carrier store, and good publicity for two hard working AP mamas! :O)

Article about Delayed Cord Clamping

2009-12-07T07:00:00.000-08:00

Good article about why the cord should not be clamped/cut until it stops pulsating after birth.

Excerpt:

"Delayed cord clamping in very preterm infants reduces the incidence of intraventricular hemorrhage and late-onset sepsis: a randomized, controlled trial(7)

Randomized 72 VLBW infants (< p =" 0.03)" p ="">
The Inﬂuence of the Timing of Cord Clamping on Postnatal Cerebral Oxygenation in Preterm Neonates: A Randomized, Controlled Trial (8)

Randomized 39 preterm infants to immediate clamping vs. 60-90 second delay, and examined fetal brain blood flow and tissue oxygenation. Results showed similar blood flow between groups, but increased tissue oxygenation in the delayed group and 4 and 24 hours after birth.

Effect of timing of umbilical cord clamping on iron status in Mexican infants: a randomized controlled trial(9)

Randomized 476 infants to immediate or 2 minute delayed clamping and followed them for 6 months. Delayed clamped babies had higher MCVs (81 vs. 79.5), higher ferritins (50.7 vs. 34.4), and higher total body iron. Effects were greater in infants born to iron deficient mothers. Delayed clamping increased total iron stores by 27-47mg. A follow up study showed that lead exposed infants with delayed clamping also had lower serum lead levels than immediate clamped infants, likely due to iron mediates changes in lead absorption.

A randomized clinical trial comparing immediate versus delayed clamping of the umbilical cord in preterm infants: short-term clinical and laboratory endpoints(10)

Infants delivering at 30 to 36 weeks gestation randomized to immediate vs. 1 minute delay. Delayed group had higher RBC volumes (p = 0.04) and hematocrits (p < p =" 0.03)">
Immediate versus delayed umbilical cord clamping in premature neonates born <>

Randomized 60 infants to clamping at 5-10 seconds vs. 30-45 seconds. Delayed clamping infants had higher BPs and hematocrits. Infants <>
And that’s just some of it. I’ll be happy to send you an Endnote file with a pile more of you’d like it. If the burden of proof is on us to prove that immediate clamping is good, that burden is clearly not met. And furthermore, there is strong evidence that delaying clamping as little as 30 seconds has measurable benefits for the infant, especially in premature babies and babies born to iron deficient mothers.

So basically, we should be doing this. I’m going to try to effect some change in my department, but there are a lot of things that need to happen for us to change as a general culture. It can’t just be the OBs. L and D nurses and pediatricians need to buy in as well.

Some people will argue that premature babies need to be brought to the warmer right away for resucitation. I don’t know the answer to this, but it’s worth study. One might think that it is important to intubate a very premature baby right away, but I have to wonder if that intact cord will be better at delivering oxygen to the baby for 30-60 seconds than the premature lungs. Particularly in cases of fetal respiratory acidosis, there is strong logical argument that a baby might be better resuscitated by unwrapping the cord and letting it flow a bit than trying to oxygenate it through its lungs. Until that placenta is detached, you have a natural ECMO system. Why not use it? Certainly there are exceptions to this logical argument, abruption being the biggest one, and perhaps even severe pre-eclampsia and other poor feto-maternal circulation states.

I wonder at times why delayed cord clamping has not become the standard already; why by and large we have not heeded the literature. It is sad to say that I believe it is because the champions of this practice have not been doctors, but midwives, and sometimes we are influenced by prejudice. Clearly, midwives and doctors tend to have some different ideas about how labor should be managed, but in the end data is data. We championed evidence based medicine, but tend to ignore evidence when it comes from the wrong source, which is unfair. It is fair to critique the research and the methods used to write it, but it shouldn’t matter who the author is. In this case, Mercer and other midwives have done the world a favor by scientifically addressing this issue, and their data deserves serious consideration.

To quote Levy et al (12) “Although a tailored approach is required in the case of cord clamping, the balance of available data suggests that delayed cord clamping should be the method of choice.” We ought to heed this advice better. Like episiotomy, this change in practice may take awhile, but we should get it started. I’m going to work on it myself. How about you?"

Placenta....Not for the Sqeamish of Stomach

2009-07-01T06:37:00.000-07:00

I'll warn you...unless you're committed to alternative birthy crunchiness, you might get a little ill over this one. :P I'm trying to spare you, so you can reconsider and not scroll down if you don't wanna. If placentaphagy gacks you out, turn away, dear reader. Laaaa dee da, dootie do: filling up the page so you can click away if you must...
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No? OK. Here we go.

This weekend, I had several doula friends at my house, and, at my request, we all had some fun with the placenta from Eva's birth (which, until Sunday, had resided in my freezer). Wheeee!
;OP It was actually really cathartic for me to examine it and marvel at the miracle of life, after the whole retained placenta drama. A friend helped me examine it and try to find the spot where the retained piece had been, and then we dehydrated it for encapsulation.

my friend L helps unfold it, while Essie is very interested. She's striking a pose here...silly willy.

Essie's words were, "This is SO. COOL. I'm going to be a midwife or a SURGEON when I grow up, because I'm a *lover* for how the body works!" She asked us over and over to explain the order of how nutrition gets to the baby. Her original theory was that the placenta carried milk directly to baby's tummy, and when she found out that the nutrients and oxygen went from one bloodstream to another, she was over the moon. She asked us to draw us a diagram: mommy to placenta, placenta to cord, cord to baby's belly button.

We first thawed it with lukewarm water...you can see the cord (white) still attached

The water bag membrane was tough and wicked cool, if I do say so myself. :P All that vitamin C payed off, apparently, because it was beautifully flexible but super, super tough. It was so very smooth and supple, the perfect home for a tiny baby in utero. God's seriously smart. That bugger was STRONG. No wonder my water stayed intact until the pushing phase! That's the way mama likes it. ;oP

When it finally thawed and we could unfurl it completely, my friend Jen pointed out small patches of white calcification, on par for a 41 week baby. :O) Baby's side was smooth, while the side that had been attached to the uterine wall was wrinkled, and the wrinkles fit together like a puzzle piece. It was really amazing to see how functional, comfortable and miraculous this temporary organ was for my baby girl...her very first "home".
Jen shows me how the wrinkles line up. It look oddly pale after rinsing, as I'm used to seeing them very red right after birth.

There was literally an odd, small rip on the very edge of mine on the side where the piece had been retained, and it was exactly the length of the piece my midwife retrieved and showed me. Bingo! Little booger. That was the trouble maker. :P There was a bit of strangeness going on at the cord attachment site, AFA how the membranes were attached to it. I need a midwife opinion on that one.

The actual separating of the membrane and the placenta was the trickiest part of the whole deal, really. My friend J did that bit, and I'm forever grateful...it took quite a bit of doing. Then I (forgive the gory detail) chopped it into little chunks and we blended it to a pate consistency witha ridiculously funny shot taken by my Lindsay...placenta bead provided by another sweet, funny friend. Oddball humor abounds.

some ginger (ginger optional ), spread it thinly into dehydrating trays and dehydrated it. I left the dehydrator on 150 or so for probably 12 hours, and probably it would have been safe with less...but we went to bed.

(At this point in the process, I suggest cooking something that smells rather strong, or sticking the dehydrator on the porch. My dh made curry for us that evening, and the scent of the dehydrator was pretty much completely masked. No earthy icky weirdness, unless you just stuck your nose into it. MUCH better than I'd imagined.)

Me and baby Eva...cuter than her "wombmate", eh?

It's broken into dried wafers and stored in my fridge (sorry, dh).

I have some pics of the dehydrated bits for anyone who's interested...in fact I'll go ahead and commit to posted them later. This afternoon, I'll do the actual encapsulation and post that, too. :O) Thanks for looking, and HTH if you're intested in your own dehydration! It's much, much simpler than I'd originally supposed.

Finally, Eva's birth montage

2009-05-30T07:49:00.000-07:00

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

The Other Side of the Glass

2009-05-11T09:07:00.001-07:00

A new documtary, The Other Side of the Glass. A birth film for fathers, discussing (from daddy's perspective) the effect of modern birth on the family. I'm so excited someone finally picked up that ball and ran with it! :D There appear to be some great interviews, including Micheal Odent. I can't wait to see the whole thing.

Bed commercial...love it!

2009-04-17T12:19:00.000-07:00

Miss Eva at a month old!

2009-04-14T07:03:00.000-07:00

2009-03-30T18:37:00.000-07:00

I'll spare you the details of the three day prelabor...suffice it to say, it was emotionally and physically trying, and had I not gotten enough rest, good positioning advice and encouragement, I might still be in labor. Really. But I did get rest and the baby did turn, and so I went into labor on Sunday evening after a day of hip lunges, dinner with dh and a couple of funny movies.

Around 9:3opm or so, it suddenly hit me that my contractions were actually growing more intense. A few minutes later, Robin Hood Men in Tights ceased to be even a tiny bit amusing.

I gripped the bookcase and swayed my hips through the next contraction, and as it eased, I told Nate to call our midwife and heat my rice sock. Through the next pressure wave, I leaned over the arm of the couch and wished my rice sock were already hot.

I retreated into the candlelit bedroom, and leaned forward through the next half hour of rushes, finally settling on my knees with my arms draped over the bed. I mused inwardly at the fact that I could feel the baby rotating downward through my pelvis, and the back pressure was intense! At that point, I realized I'd reached the point of no return. Ready or not, my baby was coming, and I needed to get to a place of release and surrender. A small amount of hesistation and fear crept in for a short while, and I didn't want to accept that I needed to change my physical position. I'd just stay on my knees forever!!

I was vaguely aware of front door opening down the hall, and of my MW calling hello softly, but I didn't look up. I was lost in a celtic drumbeat for the moment, still convincing myself that I could just hang out at the end of the bed forever.

Somewhere in the middle of half an hour in the draped on the bed position, the song "Everyone's got Something To Hide Except for Me and My Monkey" by the Beatles came on my iPod. Dh snorted and teased me for having such a weird song, and it broke my tension. I heard Michelle, the MW's apprentice giggle, too, and that did it. I laughed, and the endorphins from the fast guitar riffs and laughing with Nate saw me easily through that intense contraction.

After my first and only cervical check of that labor, Debi let me know I wasn't ready for the birth pool yet. Four centimeters. I was incredulous. I could feel my body speeding towards transition, and suspected they should fill the tub soon anyway. She suggested a hot shower (I suspect to coax me off my knees!), and I lept at the chance.

I spent 15 or 20 min in the shower, and being on my feet intensified the contractions. (Nate commented later that in the pics of me in the shower, you could tell by the shape of my belly that the baby descended quickly into my pelvis at that point!) Nate leaned halfway into the shower and braced his arm across the end of it for me to grip, and I squeezed his arm with my hands through the powerful waves, puffing a steady stream of air out of my cheeks. The feel of his sturdy, sinewy arm and the hot water pounding my back made standing up much more bearable. In the back of my mind, I knew I'd be complete soon, and got out of the shower sooner than I would have otherwise...I wanted hot water for my birth tub, lol! I shuffled my way back to the bedroom, and Michelle tied a red rebozo around my belly and encouraged me to stay vertical. It was at this point that I surrendered completely to the idea of meeting my baby soon, to opening my body to let my baby out. I became instinctual, and my thoughts were more like a consciousness hovering above my body than my own. My mind became an observer of my most primal instincts, and only interjected enough dialouge to inform my body on a "need to know" basis. :oP

For the next 45min, I gripped dh's hand and stood and swayed my way through powerful waves. I gripped Nate's fingers so hard, his normally pale strong Dutch knuckles turned an even more ghostly white. At one point, I called out, "Someone hold my other hand!!", and the instant I felt a strong, womanly hand in my own swollen left hand, the edgy fear left me.

I could feel my cervix stretching and quivering, and a voice that didn't sound like my own was making low, moaning sounds. My doula brain informed me that those were very "birthy" noises, and I smiled inwardly as I heard my MW chuckling in happy agreement somewhere across the room. She whispered, "Nate, go start up the hoses!" I suspected as much..and the water sounded GOOD. I was ready to meet my baby. I trembled all over, and stated the obvious: "I'm shaking."

I don't remember taking off my lounge pants. I remember feeling the heat of the water slither up my ankles, calves, and around my middle as I sank myself into the water. It took every ounce of courage I had to relax and accept the knowledge (gained from experience with my second birth) that I would soon be doing the hard work of pushing a new child into the light of the room.

My legs were in a weird position, but another rush had already started, and I heard the earthy voice shift from a low moan to a rumbly growl. Was I feeling push-y already? I gripped the handles of the pool, and fought the impulse to tighten my lower body in a fight against birth. I rested and breathed. I knew I'd be pushing with the next contraction.

I never asked for permission; when the next contraction came, I growled and pushed. As it peaked, I pushed HARDER, because pushing was the only relief that was to be found in that intense moment. I vaguely remember hearing Debi call, "That's it, girl, bring that baby down! Reach down and touch your baby!", but by the time I let go of the handle to feel, the rush was over. It made me mad, and it fueled my determination to hold her soon, lol.

With the next contraction, I felt like a strong mother cougar, throwing a screaming growl into the night, fighting to bring my baby into the world. The feeling was so very intense. I could feel the baby crowning, but didn't dare to believe I could get her out this time. I pushed and growled in frustration, not realizing how CLOSE she was.

I did this for another contraction. And one more.

The next contraction, I was so very exausted, using up every last bit of energy I had in a mighty effort to push that little head OUT. I thought it would be stuck there forever. I stopped screaming and grunted and felt my face glowing with the effort, and finally gasped in air and yelled, "Oh, c'mon, get the frick OUT!!!!" (At least that's what I vaguely recall saying...both Nate and Debi have asserted that I actually dropped an F-bomb)

One last angry, determined push, and I heard the amazing words: "Head's out!!" I perked and happily pushed the rest of a slick body easily into the water, and was astounded at the big, healthy GIRL that landed on the top of my now-puffy belly.

Nate's face was streaming tears. I hadn't seen him cry that freely since our wedding. And she was lovely. So very lovely, and I was completely exhausted. She stared at me, stunned and alert, but not wanting to take the first breath. I felt a bit stunned, too. The MW puffed a breath into her mouth and rubbed her back, and she began to cry. I was relieved, and so, so tired. I had to be coaxed to push out the placenta, lol. I was happy to just sit there, grinned dumbly and blissfully, and listening to Nate mumur contently to himself, "I knew she was a girl!"

At 1:16am, Eva Grace was born, 9lbs, and 22inches. And we were in love. <3

Belly binding and some baby pics

2009-03-22T09:34:00.000-07:00

So, if you've ever given birth to a nine pounder (or, heck, an eight pounder, or more than one child period), you've likely experienced the fluffy joys of stretched out abs and diasis recti (abdominal muscle separation).

I've currently got a nice four finger separation going on. :P Having already brought a four finger gap down to a one finger after one pregnancy, I know it's do-able. This takes away a great deal of wailing-in-front-of-the-mirror anxiety. I've been belly binding for a week along with very gentle modified postpartum exercises, and I'm already encouraged by the results: I look only a couple months pregnant rather than a full six. Hooray!

I've been using my Maya Wrap part of the time, and a plain old supportive old lady style girdle the other part, taking them off only to shower. It's been really helpful, at the very least, in getting my organs back where they belong, and in supporting my weakened belly and back while my muscles go back to being taut. This is a very good thing.

Anything that takes away the feeling of being punched in the gut every time you stand up is indeed a brilliant idea, as far as I'm concerned. :D

She's here!!

2009-03-19T13:24:00.000-07:00

After a three day puttering labor, Eva Grace entered our loving home at 1:16 am on Monday morning! 9lbs, 22inches. I'm trying to rest well, so I'll write the birth story later. :)

So.

2009-03-15T07:46:00.000-07:00

We're in day #2 of the labor that just wouldn't kick into gear. I'm trying to reassure myself that everything will happen in good time, but after over 24 hours of steady contractions, I'm getting a wee bit frustrated. :oP

Last (and only) check, I was 70% effaced, with this little booger still floating. I've felt him/her slowly labor down, but goodness, this wee one is a plodder. My MW came by yesterday, and was encouraging, and my parents have our younger two for the time being.

I *hate* feeling like a watched pot, and even more, hate watching myself. Blech. Give me hard labor over piddly, puttering labor ANY day of the week. One is tough, but you can DO something. The other is just emotionally draining.

-4 Pregnant. Why do I still FEEL huge?

2009-03-12T05:29:00.000-07:00

Had a lovely round of strong prodrom last night, which petered off at bedtime (with the help of some cal/mag, rescue remedy, skullcap and a ton of water). No baby, but on the upside, the contractions are feeling VERY labor-y. A few of them took my breath away, and had me running for my cell phone, convinced that if they kept up that intensity, my MW wouldn't make it. :P

I continue to crave insane amount of acidic fruit. I ate almost another entire fresh pineapple yesterday morning. *blushes furiously* Ahhh, but it was scrumptious.

My brain was even more cloudy than normal yesterday, from lack of sleep and presence of off-again-on-again prodrom all day, I suspect.

If it keeps it up tonight (but still isn't the "real" thing), I may have a half glass of wine and a long bath in order to get some decent sleep.

I'm quite nauseated this morning, even after a good breakfast. :oS

At this point, time is on my side, odds-wise. ;oP Even if I go past 41 weeks, that's only a few days away. Then, I can cry and feel sorry for myself and refuse to change out of my pajamas all day.

Wait, wait...I'm already doing that!

2009-03-11T06:24:00.000-07:00

I feel that baby #3 has settled down a bit further in my belly. From what I can feel, it's head's not engaged, but I'm definitely breathing a touch easier and peeing a lot more.

Some contractions last night, but nothing serious. Nothing exciting happening today, so far. Yee-haw.

-2 days pregnant. Heh heh.

2009-03-10T07:17:00.001-07:00

My ticker (to the right) indicates that I'm now negative two days pregnant. I certainly FEEL positively pregnant. Oddsfish.

Music

2009-03-08T05:49:00.000-07:00

Birth music playlists always fascinate me, because they're as different as the women who compile them. :D This is mine (this time around, anyway :P)

Mist -Shugo Tokumaru
Green Rain
Dance, Dance, Dance-Lykke Li
Manian-Rokia Traore
The Butterfly-Mairead Nesbitt
Si Do Mhaimeo-Celtic Woman
Tounka-Rokia Traore
Maya's Theme-Cucu Diamantes (Heroes)
Dianfa- Rokiea Traore
Nothing Brings Me Down- Emiliana Torrini
Walking in the Air-Chloe Agnew
Birds-Emiliana Torrini
Superstar-Sonic Youth
Big Time Sensuality- Bjork
Not Now, But Soon- Imogene Heap
Everyone's Got Something to Hide Except Me and My Monkey-The Beatles
Heartbeats-Jose Gonzalez
Saeglopur-Sigor Ros
Glosoli- Sigor Ros
Prelude/In The Light of You-Jessie Rogers
Arise and Shine-Jason and Jessie Rogers
Holy, Holy, Holy-Sufjan Stevens
Simple Gifts- Yoyo Ma and Allison Kraus
Bach:Wachet Auf-Yoyo Ma
Cello Suite #1 in G YoYo Ma
Air and Simple Gifts (presidential inauguration version)
Siuli A Run- Celtic Woman
He knows My Name-Paul Baloche

two days until...another day

2009-03-06T14:02:00.000-08:00

I'm officially 40 weeks minus two days. ;oP This sounds much better than 39 + 5, in my most humble opinion.

I've had several rounds of prodromal labor already, most of the action focusing on the evening hours and then petering out around bedtime.

I'm fully comfortable (safety wise) going another couple of weeks, in theory. As far as human will is concerned, I'd be good with being "done", oh, a week ago. Only time will tell. It's a wait and surrender game, at this point. :)

39 weeks +1 day appointment

2009-03-02T13:17:00.000-08:00

Everything looks good. :o)

Baby is high and floating, which I expected...with this being #3, he/she likely won't engage until I'm into labor. With the ample amnio I have, it's flip flopped back and forth from left to right several times in the last week; good news is it's still quite head down.

No sign of bladder infection today! :D

I've got my hoses and pump for the La Bassine.

My sweet husband got up and made pancakes for everyone before he left for work. Chocolate chip with blueberries on top. He's totally amazing.

My good friend Jennifer dropped by for lunch today and brought pizza, which made getting everyone out the door (and my general outlook on life!) much more positive. It was a total lifesaver!

I'm so blessed with supportive friends and family...seriously.

In the last couple of days, my contractions have gotten markedly more effective feeling, causing lots of pressure and stretching in my cervix. Nothing really crampy, and no pattern that's timing-worthy to speak of, but it's definitely encouraging to feel the change. :)

Now, it's just a sit around and distract myself and chew ice while we wait game. ;)

Reflux and bladder infections and 39 weeks, oh my!

2009-03-01T05:22:00.000-08:00

I'm 39 weeks today!

Last night, my reflux was so bad, I sent husband to the store for some heavy duty antacid. (Because of the hormone relaxin, the valve in the top of the stomach that usually keeps the acid inside doesn't close well during pregnancy. Combine that with pressure from a "floating" baby bum, and you have the perfect storm for killer heartburn.) I've been spitting out acid (and not the fun kind) in the middle of the night for weeks, and enough was enough. I finally got a bit of painless (well, at least from the chest up) sleep for the first time in weeks.

Now, of course, after considering the long term effects of not having enough stomach acid, I'm leery of taking more. Darn your eyes, Google! ;OP

I've also woken up with a bladder infection, which might account partially for the monster contractions I was having before bed last night. The other reason is likely third baby prodrom. Off to drink more water, brew more uva ursi and pop more cranberry tablets.

It's an odd trick of nature, the symptoms that pile up at the end of pregnancy. :P If they're meant to make me embrace the marathon of labor wholeheartedly, it's working.

Quite discouraged and cranky, 38weeks.5days

2009-02-27T12:14:00.001-08:00

Just a little mood log...I'm very tired, very discouraged, sleepy and cranky today. I think I cried something like 1.5 hours straight.

I had a little walnut Bach Flower remedy and some pulsatilla, along with some brownies and a nap, and I'm feeling slightly less despondent. Still quite a bit tired. Fortunately, my 4yo decided to nap after lunch, and my 2yo is in a snuggly mood today, so sleep was an option!

Somehow, I think my body likes to work in the reverse of normal: I contract more while laying down and sleeping, it seems, than up and moving around. *muse* Interesting. :P

Birth Kit

2009-02-26T05:46:00.000-08:00

Finally got everything together this past weekend, and picked up our La Bassine at my MW appointment on Mon. *grin* She'll bring the hoses with her when she comes (and, as I say that, I'm singing it to the tune of "She'll be coming 'round the mountain". It's important that you get a good aural picture of that, so you'll need to sing it for yourself.)

I'll see if I can list everything correctly...

-giant PP pads for the first couple of days
-a package of overnight pads (for the next several days). The new enormous "Always" are just amazing, I hear.
-PP cloth pads
-non-latex gloves
-gauze
-lubricant
-alcohol wipes
-emergency pitocin
-emergency methergine
-betadine scrub
-peri bottles
-hibiclens
-quite a few chux pads
-nasal aspirator
-sexy mesh panties *waggling eyebrows*
-vit K (in case of rough birth, not sure if we'll use it)
-arnica oil
-heat pad
-AfterEase tincture (for after pains, WishGarden)
-extra strength Tylenol and Motrin, which can be staggered after birth ;)
-Baby Blues mood tincture (WishGarden)
-Bottom spray
-cloth breast pads
-newborn hats
-cord clamp
-herbs for sitz baths
-birth tub liner
-shower curtain
-Spanx-type girdle for gut/abdominal support afterward, until muscle separation heals

To debunk the funny head trip of me going to town with a giant cart at local medical supply store, or worse, being a masked pregnant bandit in the middle of the night at the local maternity ward, I'll tell you that I ordered most of my basic birth supplies from Baby, Birth and Beyond, and the pool liner from YourWaterBirth.)

We'll also have bendy straws, energy drinks/juice, plenty of ice, gallon freezer bags (for cold packs if we need them, and the placenta afterward), easy to digest snacks (I might go buy and hide some granola and popsicles for myself ahead of time giggle), vitamin C, and lots of clean towels. And a sheet of cheap plastic to put between the pool and bathroom.

-*and* an overnight bag packed for the girlies (to go to hotel nearby with gramma), and an emergency one for us, in case of transport. Also, a new, riveting long movie on standby for the kiddos, just in case things get intense before my parents get here.

-all camera batteries charged and memory cards ready to go.

Nate's and my to-do list at the onset of labor:

-do a clean sweep of the house (should only take 20min), and toss any dirty towels in the wash
-situate furniture in bedroom, and set up pool
-call MW
-call parents to pick up the girls (we'll have 2 hours before they get here)
-bake a birthday cake with the girls (knock on wood) as an early labor project
-shower, if I haven't already.
-relax and joke around while we still can.

____________________________________________________________________________________

In other news:

I've almost got our labor music playlist compiled...I'll list the songs we picked later this week for funsies.

My visit to Debi (my wonderful midwife) went well on Monday. My blood pressure was on the low side of normal (113/76, I think?), which is good. I'd managed to only gain one pound in the past 10 days, which is an accomplishment for me this late in the game! Urine sample good. Baby in a perfect labor position, excepting being high and floating, which I suspected. (For what it's worth, I've never had a baby of mine be engaged at my last prenatal appointment!)

I'm contracting quite a bit, which is normal in the last few weeks for a third time mama. They tend to either be short and 6 minutes apart for a few hours every night, or 10 minutes apart lasting almost 2min in duration. I think it's fair to say it's one well toned muscle at this point. :OP

My children are recovering from the fever/sniffles they had earlier this week. (with lots of love, rest, vitamins, tea, water, steam, probiotics and garlic. Can we say, "Mommy's really concerned about being sick this close to the due date"?)

And, finally, I've just consumed half a pineapple. It was well worth the $3 splurge. I think I may need to get another one this evening. Rawwwwwrmmmmm!

Can we just be *!&#^@# DONE, already??

2009-02-22T06:03:00.000-08:00

Ashley's 20 Ways not to break down into hysteria every five minutes in the last two weeks of pregnancy:

-Take a long bath with lavender in it.

-Obsess over something silly, like scrubbing down the baseboards.

-Immerse thyself in a new and engaging tv series, preferably a long one with episodes that can be watched back to back.

-Compile a labor music cd. Even if you end up not wanting music, the endorphins released during listening to good music post-partum can help kick depression. ;o)

-Allow your children to doodle all over your belly with paint or markers. We call it "tattoo parlor". The non-clingy human contact is also endorphin releasing!

-Take pictures of said belly decorating endeavor. <3

-Play with your 2yo's hair while she sleeps.

-Keep a astonishingly detailed record of birth prep. in a journal. (Check. *blush*)

-Try to figure out how many kinds of herbal tea you can sardine into one day's consumption. (Thus far, we have RRL (uterine toner), dandelion (swelling and PUPPS), nettle (iron), chamomile (for calming me down) and tangerine...that one's for funsies.

-Brainstorm ways that to connect with your 4yo, even if answering one more question feels like the end of the world.

-Plan a birth project. Ours for early labor is baking a birthday cake with our kiddos...we picked devil's food, dark chocolate icing and pastel flower sprinkles. ;OP

-Figure out a way to reach your toenails and paint those puppies.

-Walk. It's good for positioning, and, again, endorphins.

-Let yourself cry. I prefer doing so in the shower, and not dwelling on any specific negative thought (lest I spiral completely down the toilet of anger and self pity). Just crying and letting my exhaustion *be*...and imagining it swirling down the drain with the water.

-Keeping the towels clean and folded with shocking ferocity and diligence.

-Think of seasonal chores that will be tricky to do with a newborn, and doing them in advance (such as changing out the kid's heavy winter clothing for warmer weather garb).

-Silly blog entries, such as this one.

-Reading halfway interesting chapter books to my children...and getting lost in their pretend world.

-Playing "dodge the mirror". Seriously. Don't look at yourself. You'll feel sorry for yourself and began to weep.

-Go yardsaling. Buy several boxes of cheap, colored glasses. Hurl them against a brick wall and listen to the glass shattering until you feel better. Then, sweep up the pieces and make a nice mural. (my current coping fantasy, thank you very much)

And into week 38!!

2009-02-17T06:03:00.000-08:00

Reaching week 38 with a subsequent child is like having your wedding anniversary sneak up on you after several years of marriage! It's amazing that something so sacred and monumental can produce such a sneak attack effect!

In other words, HOLY COW!! We're almost there! :D

On the docket this week:

-stalk the mail for my La Bassine liner, which should be here any day now!

-go fill my prescription for emergency pitocin (for after birth)

-Extra stregnth Motrin and Tylenol for afterpains. Yes, I'm med free...before birth, lol. Afterwards, hook me up, woman. ;OP

-Freeze some soup this weekend

-Last but not least, spend some extra time with hubby and kidlets! <3

-Compile two loooong birth music CDs, one upbeat and one relaxed.

I'm also doing quite a few pelvic tilts, a little novice pregnant bellydancing and yoga (all great for sifting baby down into a good tucked chin position), and chugging down the Red Raspberry Leaf Tea (it's a uterine toner).

As a mom (or a busy woman in general!) it's tough to find time to meditate on scripture and peaceful thoughts, and to practice purposeful relaxation...I do mine in the shower (the only time of day I get completely to myself!). The increasingly strong waves of contractions afford a great opportunity for me to purposefully relax my belly, pelvic floor, hips. Sometimes, providing I'm not in the line at the grocery store, I dance my way through them. I think it's helped me a lot to get in the birth mindset, and to embrace the waves before they become more intense. This way, I've associated them with positive emotion and a loose, supple body. It's fun. :)

Next week, I'll start taking Evening Primrose Oil. I can't believe I'm doing the late game stuff already. *Insert mental image of me staring slackjawed at the calendar with my left eyelid twitching*

Baby Blues on buying baby crap...

2009-02-11T05:39:00.000-08:00

36 week belly shot.

2009-02-09T16:31:00.000-08:00

Because no blog is complete without a bit of Monty Python.

2009-02-08T05:37:00.000-08:00

Just a funny to make you giggle. *PING!*

The Name Game

2009-02-06T11:39:00.001-08:00

With every pregnancy, we've always been decided (mostly) on a boy name early in the game, and completely stymied by the girl name.

This time has been no exception.

Everyone wants to weigh in. And I do mean everyone.

There are ALL sorts of rules about baby naming, and none of them are official. No names already taken by family or close friends, and no names that are *planned* on being taken by close family and friends. No names that end with the first letter of your last name. No names that create strange vowel alliterations with your last name. No initials that spell something unfortunate, and no names that could be easily shortened to something vulgar. No versions of something you've named a sibling. No names that *rhyme* with sibling names. And on and on and on...

There are, of course, the random strong opinions of friends and family who hate a name simply because they once knew someone who had that name that they strongly disliked (even though it has no bearing on your child's future or personality whatsoever.

Therefore, my husband and I consult no one but each other on the *final* decision, and we tend to guard the name zealously. It's hard for people to knock a great name when they're looking at your gorgeous newborn. Yes. :P Our children are ALL gorgeous.

Once you've picked two perfect girls' names, it's nearly impossible to find something perfect the third time that we BOTH agree on.

The girl's names votes so far (from our 4yo and 2yo) have been:

(4yo)
Lunch-po-Jella
Emily Elizabeth (from the Clifford series)
Funny on the Side
Poop
Pillypoolah
Cinnbar

(2yo)
Bumpy
Cranky
Crackers

While the votes from our daughters are certainly colorful, we figure any future daughter might never "grow into" a name like "Funny on the Side Crackers" or "Bumpy Cranky Poop".

So it's back to the drawing board!

We finally reached the conclusion that the best way to name this child is to have a list of 10 or so names,with the help of Nymbler, and spend a couple of days with him/her before we settle on a fitting moniker. This is a fairly common tradition in many cultures, and we think (hopefully) it'll work well for us, too. :)

Home visit

2009-02-04T08:50:00.000-08:00

I had my home visit from my midwife yesterday. I do love her.

You've got to love a lady who's full of faith enough to pray with you, and not so uptight that she can't cackle in amusement when you let a colorful word slip in response to her latest outrageous birth story, and then blush in realization...and sigh with relief when you realize you won't be put on the spiritual doo-doo list because of it. :P AND, she put my cranky, snotty 2yo down for a nap. Gotta love that. :D

My baby's LOT position, which isn't half bad for this late in the game! I'll take it. I was secretly pleased to have my personal opinion of his/her postion confirmed by a second and third guesstimate. (Her MW in training took a whack at it, too, and drew the same conclusion.)

(baby position chart from Spinning Babies...left occiput transverse; a short turn from being optimal. A few good weeks of decent birth ball posture should have us all set!)

My BP was initially a wee bit higher than usual (for me), until she encouraged me to stop talking 100mph. *blush* I sat back, snuggled my 2yo and they giggled at me trying SO hard not to talk for a minute, and my systollic magically went down to 120. I'll take it. For whatever reason, I was especially high strung yesterday about having visitors...it was nice to get a fair do-over.

I laughed at the timing of the arrival of my birth kit...I had just trekked to the bathroom with my pee cup in hand, while discussing what I still had on my "to do" list for the birth, when the doorbell rang and my MW accepted the birth kit box from our mailman for me. Whoohoo!

Now, all that's left is emergency pitocin, a birth pool liner (hopefully, for the La Bassine, as I prefer the squishy sides to the rigid sides of the aqua doula, I think), and a bottle of celebratory champagne and an ice cream cake for the "Birth Day Party" afterwards. Thankfully, my MW owns both the Aquadoula and the La Bassine, so all we have to purchase is the $20 or so liner. AND, it comes with it's own hoses and pump, so no one is left siphoning water with a garden hose out back, leaving the neighbors to wonder WHAT sort of crazy, kinky things we DO in our home. Straight into the tub the water goes, and cleanup is super easy. Gotta love that.

And, now, finally, I leave you with the best baby cake ever. I love me some Cake Wrecks.

More mood logging.

2009-01-30T11:03:00.000-08:00

Mon- I honestly don't remember. :oP
Tues- more not remembering.
Wed- terribly discouraged and overwhelmed.
Thurs- Irritable
Fri- very tired. And fuzzy headed, as evidenced by my recollection of Monday and Tuesday!

Baby growing chocolate.

2009-01-29T11:40:00.000-08:00

These make me happy. And they manage a bit more nutrition (for the calories) then say, half a jar of Nutella. :P Not that I've ever been tempted to eat half a jar of Nutella while gestating. ** innocent look**

It's totally a modified raw recipe I snagged from a friend a while back. And very yummy.

Chocolate "Cookies"

1/4 C cashew butter (you could use pureed soaked dates instead of this or the PB)
1/4 C PB
1/4 C raisins or chopped dates AND/OR dried unsweetened pineapple bits
handfull of raw sunflower seeds or almond slivers
2 TB cocoa or carob powder
several TB of honey
1 TB flax seeds
1/4 C uncooked oats

Mix all of the above, and spoon or roll into cookie sized balls. Sprinkle with unsweetened coconut.

Consume. Hopefully not all at one time. **Looks around shiftily** Of course, it's not exactly celery, but, hey, you've got some iron, some calcium, some protein, some whole grains, some decent complex carbs, some vit. C....which is more than I can say for a roll of Tollhouse cookie dough! ;P Better baby growing food, as far as "treats" go.

Tastes better, too, in my humble opinion.

Excellent Arkansas Homebirth Article

2009-01-27T08:30:00.000-08:00

This is an outstanding interview of my friend Brannan's home birth and the midwives who attended her birth! I was impressed by the positive light of the whole piece, and the sheer beauty of her birth.

The Article

Slideshow

(The slideshow of her birth (you can assume that everyone on my blog will be very true to birth, so here's your obligatory "graphic" warning. I like to call it a "kleenex" warning! )

Mother Blessing...if you don't care for gushing, disregard!

2009-01-24T05:58:00.001-08:00

This Friday evening was my Mother Blessing! It was such a special and nurturing time, I was really blown over by the honesty and love and thoughtfulness that went into making it special!
When we all had gathered, we enjoyed some delicious chili and cornbread and my mom's famous spinach, strawberry and goat cheese salad. I enjoyed it SO much *blush*, that I had to take my piece of cake home to eat the next day. (Jennifer, it was so delicious, I caught myself mourning the fact that I'd only brought one home with me instead of two, haha! )

Then, I was ordered into a comfy recliner and had my feet soaked in a hot basin with an aromatic herbal bath. Ahhhhh.

Everyone in the room shared beautiful words of affirmation and encouragement for me and this birth, and as they did, they placed a bead in a bowl for my birth necklace. Each one shared why they chose the bead they did, along with a scripture or birth poem or blessing. Even my 4yo daughter shared a bead she'd picked. They were all so unique, and so precious, and I, of course, cried buckets. I needed to hear every word that was shared.

Jenny sharing words of encouragement,

me looking ugly when I cry, lol!

We shared some letters and words of labor blessing sent from friends who live too far away to come, and the symbolism and love they expressed was really touching. (Yes, I cried. Of course I cried!) It was a humbling experience to have everyone share their encouragement and love for me so openly. Not something I'm used to, but it blessed me so deeply, I'm very glad they did!

We all announced ourselves around the room in relation to our lineage of motherhood. "I, Ashley, daughter of Donna, daughter of Linda, daughter of Faye". It actually gave me beautiful shivers to think about it; even as we're all markedly different from our mothers and grandmothers, we all pass down a line of motherhood, whether they be blood mothers or the ones who patiently (or impatiently) nurtured us. Love it or hate it, we're all inextricably tied to womanhood, all the way back to the first woman who walked the soft black earth. It was an amazing thought. There has never been a human who didn't come from a mother. As we announced ourselves, we fastened a ribbon the the arm of our neighbor, showing how connected we are.

All the women (and girl!) wrote a blessing on a cloth banner for me to have during labor. <3>I loved having everyone's unique way of expressing themselves and their heart collected in such a visual way. Looking at it is really encouraging and comforting; every women there has a way of bringing my spirit strength and peace in a way that the next couldn't possibly do. Every woman's unique light and strength and spiritual gifting holds something that I deeply need...if that's not how the body of Christ was meant to be, then I don't know what is.

Jubliee's blessing about the Eshet Chayil, the woman of valor

More than anything, it reminded me that we're all precious pieces of a crazy quilt that uniquely warms the world. Sometimes, we're juxtaposed in ways that show our similarities, sometimes, our contrasting qualities bring out the beauty in one another. All together, we are STRONG, we are comforting, we are brilliant and beautiful, we are tough and practical. It made me cry (lots of) happy tears. Even though birth is a uniquely alone experience in the inward focus of the moment, the strength that we draw from (all in our own unique situations) comes from a lifetime of love from others and from our Father who has the gentle and fierce heart of a Mother. That is what pulls us through our tunnels towards the light.

All the collective beads for my birth necklace

The ladies!

Me and Cara

Life table, with "a few of my favorite things"

One of the many beautiful things I was given:
a pregnancy book filled with birth quotes and scriptures!

Beautiful birth affirmations from a friend. <3

2009-01-23T06:12:00.000-08:00

Affirmations of Wisdom and Love For Your Birth

How beautiful a treasure is this day of my life, I will never forget the joy of today!
I will not look at time except to gaze at the sun or stars.
My baby and my body know exactly what to do!
My Heavenly Father has designed me for this exact, wonderful purpose.
All I have to do is breathe, nothing more, just relax and breathe.
My breath is sweet and deep, carrying oxygen to my body and my baby.
I am focused on the moment of joy and exhaltation when my baby will be in my arms!
When I think I cannot endure it, I will remember that means I'm almost done!
My body is a river, my baby knows the way.
God has not given me a spirit of fear, but of peace and love.
Peace washes over me and lets my baby feel wrapped in love.
I am picturing my daughters' faces when they meet the baby!
I can't wait for the moment our whole family is united!
I am strong, I am healthy, I am created for this purpose!
I will be in labor as long as it takes to bake, frost and eat a chocolate cake! yum
The quiet I need is within me, I only need to close my eyes and breathe.
Soon, my healthy, beautiful baby will be at my breast and in my arms.
There are women laboring with me right now, all over the world. We are strong together!
I am not pressed for time, indeed I am in a peaceful place without meaning of time.
I will get out of my body's way and let it do the work it knows best.
The air is pure and lovely, filling me with renewed strength and peace, I drink it deeply.
A world of friends and family who love us are covering us in joyful prayer right now.
I can't wait to see my baby for the very first time, I can't wait for our first cuddle and peek!
Birth will be everything beautiful I have ever wanted and hoped for.
I celebrate my strength and God's miraculous works within me!

"Hush, hush," said the Moon, "Turn out the light. Someone new sleeps with us tonight!"

Thank you, K! <3

Emotional Lottery

2009-01-22T07:05:00.000-08:00

So far, emotionally, this week has gone:

Sun: Insanely ragey and distraught
Mon: Withdrawn and quiet.
Tues: Slightly irritable, but productive
Wed: Unreasonably giddy and cheerful
Thurs: Weepy and sentimental over every blasted little thing

There you go. It's like Wheel of Fortune: you never know when you're going to hit the jackpot or go completely bankrupt. May I have my head back now, please? :OP

______________________________________________________________________________________________________

In other news, baby is growing and we've all taken to talking to him/her on a regular basis. Little one obviously startles at sudden noises or weird movement, and calms when I put a hand on it's back/bum and speak soothingly. That's provided a wellspring of weepy ammo in the weepy department today. So precious, and I'm getting more than a little antsy to hold this babe and whiff it's baby head.

Our four year old asks daily, "How many more days? Tomorrow? This weekend?"

My 2yo ran into my bedroom yesterday, and announced proudly, "Mommy, you HUGE!! I love you, my huge mommy. :D"

Har. Why, thank you, darling.

2009-01-20T05:17:00.000-08:00

I'm currently sitting on my couch, downing glass of water after glass of water. I wake up very thirsty every morning, as my body's requiring more and more water to support this active baby, my growing blood volume and myself...and if I don't, I have Braxton Hicks contractions like mad! I love the peacefulness of watching winter's blue morning light filter through the windows before my kids wake up and beg for oatmeal with peanut butter. Besides a few brave crows outside cawing in what I know must be freezing cold, it's QUIET in here. It helps me find my center for the day.

And how important is finding my center for the day? Very. :OP I'm feeling clumsy and heavy and my hormones are in full swing right now. Just ask my sweet, bewildered husband. A little peace can go a long way. Some people need coffee to start the day right. I need quiet. And about a gallon of water.

For the past 3 or 4 weeks, I've been getting little packages of beady goodness in the mail. Precious friends and family from all over the country have been sending me special beads and letters of encouragement for my labor necklace! I'm enjoying reading their notes immensely. As a mother of young children, you're often blessing with sweet little kisses and bear hugs throughout the day, but words of affirmation come few and far in between sometimes...it's been such a special experience to have friends share their hearts and prayers with me during these tricky, funny last weeks.

It's been a blast to see how different, expressive and symbolic they are. :D They're as varied and beautiful as all the women in my life are, and knowing that they represent thoughts and love from all these living treasures has been a real honor and treat. One of my friends even sent a pretty green mug with a leaf handle she made herself! If that's not incentive to drink my Red Raspberry Leaf tea (which is an EXCELLENT uterine toner, btw, and good for period cramps, too), I don't know what is!

My Mother Blessing is this Friday. I hear there will be chili and chocolate cake. I'm so there. I'm excited!

Favorite birth quotes

2009-01-15T16:17:00.000-08:00

Women's bodies have near-perfect knowledge of childbirth; it's when their brains get involved that things can go wrong.- Peggy Vincent Baby Catcher

"Midwives see birth as a miracle and only mess with it if there's a problem; doctors see birth as a problem and if they don't mess with it, it's a miracle!" Barbara Harper, Gentle Birth Choices

"Hope has two beautiful daughters. Their names are anger and courage; anger at the way things are, and courage to see that they do not remain the way they are." Augustine

"When you have come to the edge of all the light you know and are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing that one of two things will happen: there will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught how to fly." Patrick Overter

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
Psalm 139:13-17 NIV

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
Matthew 11:28-30 NIV

"Just as a woman's heart knows how and when to pump, her lungs to inhale, and her hand to pull back from fire, so she knows when and how to give birth."
-Virginia Di Orio

300,000 women will be giving birth with you today.
Relax and breathe and do nothing else.
Labor is hard work, it hurts and you can do it.
Unknown

N.L.'s waterbirth

"Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished."
Lao Tzu

If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
-Irma Bombeck

'We have a secret in our culture, and it's not that birth is painful. It's that women are strong.'
-Laura Stavoe Harm

"The whole point of woman-centered birth is the knowledge that a woman is the birth power source. She may need, and deserve, help, but in essence, she always had, currently has, and will have the power."
Heather McCue

'There is power that comes to women when they give birth. They don't ask for it, it simply invades them. Accumulates like clouds on the horizon and passes through, carrying the child with it.
Sheryl Feldman

"We've all been waiting for you.
For you.
Your arrival has been marked, has been recorded
on earth,
in the universe,
in the galaxies,
in all of space,
in all of time.

You come with a birthright, written in love and sung
through all Creation in words which promise
that no matter where you're at,
you're home
that no matter who you're with,
you're welcome
that no matter who you are,
you're loved.
Welcome."
Rita Ramsey

"I often say that our bottom part function best when our top part
-our minds- are either grateful or amused at the antics or activites
of our bottoms. It is amazing how much better they work when we think
of them with humor and affection rather than with terror, revulsion,
or, worst of all, with shame. Lord knows we can't turn our backs on
our bottoms." -Ina May Gaskin, Ina May's guide to childbirth

Your body is not a lemon! -Ina May Gaskin

32 week appointment!

2009-01-13T05:57:00.000-08:00

And everything's looking good! :D

Weight's acceptable...no huge, scary gains. My hemoglobin's good, which makes me grin. All that floradix (which tastes something akin to drinking blood or liquefied rusty nails) paid off! My BP's on it's usual low end of normal range, and my blood sugar is healthy! Yeah!!

And no more signs of bladder infections, which reassures me that it was a one time fluke. This makes me grin, too.

I'm deciding on several things right now, one of which is whether to get/refuse the GBS test. Last time, I refused without a hitch (the results of that test being less than actually telling), but I think third baby jitters has me at least thinking about it. That, and I'm just curious. :OP If I had all that equipment sitting around my house, I think I'd be testing myself at random just for the sheer delight of having my curiosity momentarily slaked. Hence, my propensity for checking my own cervix from time to time (though less during pregnancy, due to risk of infection, and...well...limited flexibility. :OP

My big crazy goal for the next few weeks: to wean off refined sugar cold turkey. I've totally slipped up and become hopelessly addicted over the holidays. Blah!! This is prime weight gain time for both me and baby, and I'd like to ensure that all the fat stores are full of good, solid nutrition, and not empty calorie junk. My fridge is full of good stuff, and I'm starting today. **crosses fingers and says a prayer** Hopefully, it'll put me in the habit of healthy eating for PP, too, which is a huge mood stabilizer for me.

As an added bonus, it'll help wipe out some of the candida problems we've been having with one of our kiddos.

Wish me luck!

SPEW.

2009-01-08T09:47:00.000-08:00

I suppose this will be the first of a long series of "I'm SO fricking DONE" posts.

So. I'm just done. The heartburn, the exhaustion, the weird sleep, the swelling, the weight, the aching body, the parenting two children on half power and high emotions. Done.

This part of pregnancy sucks, and that's all there is to it. I'll honestly be happy to never have to repeat this again. (This feeling likely intensified by having spent nearly half of the past 4.5 years gestating, and ALL of it either gestating or nursing.) Bah. Humbug.

There are plenty of miraculous things about pregnancy and birth that I love. This particular section of the human incubator journey is not one of them.

Do I REALLY have eight more weeks of this? Gnnnnarrrrrrghhhh.

Dreams

2009-01-06T06:52:00.000-08:00

Given the fact that you remember whatever dreams happened closest to a waking point, I'm not sure whether pregnant women actually dream more, or if they simply wake up in the night more. I can vouch for the fact that I wake up at least a dozen times a night to shift pillows, pee, and sometimes for no reason at all.

At any rate, I've quite an active dream life at the moment.

As a third time mom, I'm noticing my dreams revolving less around birthing a talking baby seal in a tuxedo or leaving the baby at the open air market, and more around terrible things happening to my older two.

My most recent horrific "sleep brain movie" was dreaming that my 2yo wandered towards a giant grate covering a culvert under the road full of floodwater, fell in before I could grab her, and I was desperately searching everywhere for an opening to jump in after her. I woke up with my heart pounding over 130 BPM, and had to repeat to myself over and over: "She's OK, I can protect her better than that in real life, she's really just here beside me. She's good, I'm good, we're good." Breathe, breathe, breathe. It's THE most awful feeling you can feel as a parent.

Not one to take most dreams as predictions or warnings, I called a friend to talk it over. Of course, I'm worried about my middle "baby" getting lost in the shuffle of family adjustments. I had similar dreams about my firstborn when I was pregnant with my second...you'd think I'd learn. :OP

Strangely enough, this funny little story brought me comfort. :D

There's room enough in my family for another child. There's love enough to go around. We're capable, and children are fairly flexible. There's time enough to love and "shuggle" (as my 2yo calls snuggling) everyone. No one will fall irretrievably down a drainpipe.

Now, if I could only find a reasonable explanation for the odd sex dreams, dreams of being chased by an ugly pig man and stabbing him with a fork, strange hybrid rabid crocodiles and dreams about jumping around rooftops like Mary Poppins, I'll be all set.

What's that you say? Hormones? Yes. That is a reasonable explanation for everything that currently ails me. That and forgetting to take my cal/mag. ;OP

Weepies.

2009-01-02T06:41:00.000-08:00

The "weepies". Anyone who's never experienced this funny little hormone produced phenomenon may think this is merely another pregnant lady excuse to be emotional without normal consequences. Not so.

No, the weepies take even the weeper by surprise. For someone who doesn't cry often when she's merely her mild mannered alter ego and not a human weaving superwoman, super-tears can be a total drag, and more than a tidge embarrassing. Why? Because they sneak up on you.

Of course all the normal things make you cry. A sweet card from a friend. Receiving lousy news. Birth stories. The frozen vegetable aisle. Wait, come again?

Yes. Frozen peas make me sob. Butterflies. Pocket lint. Clogged toilets. Sad looking cows. And they cause me to brim over at the worst places possible. Very often, they happen in public, making me curse the fact that I'm exposed as a funny example of the fact that hormonal women are, in fact, hormonal, thus perpetuating the annoying truth that preggos are prone to fly off the handle more easily.

Darn you, frozen peas!!

My favorite and most frightening emotional quirk is the ability to volley between side splitting laughter (something else I rarely do sans extra progesterone and estrogen) and hysterical tears. The transition is seamless.

Step #1: Read something quite funny, such as an entry from Cake Wrecks.

Step #2: Surprise yourself by actually laughing out loud, something you rarely actually do.

Step #3: Be so overcome with hilarity that you began to tear up...

Step #4: Began to gasp for air, and then, suddenly, instead of chortling, sob uncontrollably...

Step #5: Feel tears stream down your face, while looking around wildly in distress over your complete loss of emotional control, and then become tickled at your predicament...

Step #6: Realize it's actually kind of funny, and start giggling again, triggering another round of maniacal laughter...lose control, cry...

Final step: Notice your family staring at you from the other couch in complete slack-jawed concern and consternation. Roll around uncontrollably at the looks on their faces ("Uh-oh, kids...mommy's finally lost it..I think we're ordering pizza for dinner.."), and beg them to bring you a glass of water and a paper bag, for pete's sake.

It's a special and sacred experience, really. To be a vessel of such..lunacy. :OP

Hold the phone. I just saw a bluebird fly by the window..pass me a tissue, will ya?

Month Eight!

2009-01-01T06:55:00.000-08:00

31 week Belly shots!

I recently lost my Gaiam yoga dvd...and it makes my joints and muscles feel SO much better, we ordered a new one, and Nate procured an old, really interesting download-able program for me in the meantime. It's Gurmukh's prenatal yoga (Baby & Mom) program. I got out a blanket, started it up, and we immediately fell into fits of giggles. It's a total crackup. She wears quite the costume, complete with turban and flowly white robes, and yammers on in a sleepy drone throughout the entire program. I must say, it left my body and mind feeling quite relaxed and connected to my instincts, but it was a total CHORE to keep from falling over with giggles at her chanting and breathy instructions. :OP

Yoga and walking, at least 4 hours a week is a MUST for me right now. Otherwise, I end up feeling horrible, sore and disjointed. I can't imagine going into labor feeling that way! It makes me shiver. Although I'm still quite filled out with pregnancy "roundness", I feel much, much better when I'm active. It keeps my joints in my back and pelvis much more aligned, and I actually look forward to the stretching sessions. They're as effective as massage, I think. <3

Oh, yeah. We're there.

2008-12-29T14:36:00.001-08:00

Entering month eight.

Enough said.

Thoughts on birth, some reading...

2008-12-18T10:36:00.000-08:00

As the time gets closer to the birth of this baby, I'm finding my focus heavily revolving around my family, labor, feeling safe, and the birth of this new little person that's starting to crowd my ribs. Only 11 more weeks, give or take a couple!

I've been reading Ina May's Guide to Childbirth, along with Spiritual Midwifery. The latter is a vintage copy I borrowed from my midwife, held together with a rubber band, with it's pages well worn by many gestating mothers over the years. It makes me smile to see the dog-eared pages and to smell the musty smell of wear. The binding has been taped back together. I like the feeling of being connected to so many other women who have borrowed the book from her library...it reminds me that birth is a constant, common and recurring miracle that binds us all together. Not all of us have given birth, but every one of us has been born. :o)

The book is a combination of birth stories from "The Farm" (the center where Ina May Gaskin and other midwives have been helping babies out for years now), most of them peppered with genuine hippie speak and funny and beautiful drawings and photos about their births. The expressions are imperfect and honest, and some of the genital references make me giggle and roll my eyes. The rest is really helpful advice and info from the midwives to mothers.

There are some real gems that I'm committing to heart memory...I'll blog more about the later. <3

28 week midwife visit report

2008-12-15T14:43:00.000-08:00

Up not too many lbs, apparently, good BP (if a wee bit low...110 over something low end of normal), measuring good, butt up/head down, good pee.

And a bladder infection. Gack! Too little water + dtd = bladder infection. Boo, hiss.

I'm doing lots of water, cranberry tablets, and uva ursi tea. Thus far, not a lot of pain at all, and no blood in urine, so that means I have a good chance of nipping it in the bud before it spreads. :P

I solved my heartburn issues over the weekend, after eliminating certain foods at the suggestion of my good friend Allison <3...I think it's a combo of soy and whole grains (not as in "whole grain bread", but literal whole grains with the hull on. I still have it a bit, but papaya and digestive enzymes knock it out easily now that it's not at reflux caliber. :D

Also borrowed a copy of "Spiritual Midwifery" to peruse again, hopefully over the weekend. :o) Always a good read, along with Ina Maye's guide. I'm starting to feel "birthy". And a little bit giddy.

Fruit, the anti-processed sugar.

2008-12-10T06:24:00.000-08:00

Whenever sickness stalks the house here and mommy gets the sniffles, I crave sugar. I've also made myself a promise NOT to consume white sugar at a Cookie Monster rate, so, the solution that's presented itself it fruit. Looooots of fruit. Still some sugar, but not such a kick in the hiney for my immune system, and much more redeeming vitamins and fiber.

I'm craving fruit like a mad woman. Especially citrus. (Good thing it's in season, watermellon and "summer" fare sounds downright gross at the moment! Excepting berries.) Pomegranates, too.

Nesting abounds. I think every doorway and baseboard has been scrubbed two times already. :OP Our master bedroom is looking much better, after a year and a half of sparse decor. We have curtains, we no Rubbermaids, we have no broken lamp, we have no bananas... (And I might have to remedy that last one. Bananas. Mmmmmmm.)

Ok, before we hit 28 wks, here's a 27 wk pic.

I'm gradually easing into birth-y mode. I remember feeling nervous at the beginning of the pregnancy about labor and birth (I always do, despite relatively easy labors and my love for birth), and, magically, as the pregnancy progresses, I find my confidence building. Desperation to escape preggo-ville might also have something to do with it. For whatever reason, my attitude has predictably shifted from, "Oh, GOD, what have we done?!?" to "Yah, man. We be jammin." Bring it on.

So I'm re-reading Ina Maye's Guide to Childbirth, and probably Spiritual Midwifery again. I'll toss a copy of "The Birth Partner" Nate's way in a month or two. I should also get my emergency pit. rx filled, and order my birth kit. And contact my doula. And locate my birth ball. Hm. :OP

The girls have started a nightly belly kissing tryst. They like yelling into my naval, telling their baby they love him/her (depending on the sibling gender preference that day), and Nate sings the "Daddy Loves You" song. <3 Baby obliges with lots of happy kicks and wiggles.

We have hiccups!!

2008-12-02T06:03:00.000-08:00

Today, I noticed the first funny little rhythmic *thump, thump, thump* of prenatal hiccups. It always makes me giggle. :o)

Baby is VERY reactive to sound now. His/Her least favorite sound is the vacuum cleaner and daddy's band saw, and (s)he seems most responsive to familiar voices, especially her older sisters. (I'm going to stick with "her" for the rest of the post...switching is exhausting to my addled brain.)

I've been having Braxton Hicks contractions since week 13 or so, but they're much more pronounced these days, and like to show up when I forget to take my cal/mag. And when I bend over. And when I'm doing too much. And late at night. Basically, they're the devil. :oP

Fact: Braxton Hicks contractions often show up earlier and stronger with each subsequent pregnancy.

Weight gain. Ah, yes. Baby is packing on the weight herself right now, and mama has also been invited to the party. Increased blood volume and water retention accounts for much of this. I recently fluctuated 15 lbs (yes, 15) on the same scale in one day. (Add to the list of devilish things: worthless bathroom scales.) Many tears were had, until my husband and many friends talked sense to my poor brain, and fed me the same speech I've delivered over and over..."Scales are worthless, 24-28 weeks is a weight gain time, water retention/blood volume accounts for much of it, it does come off. Here, have a sandwhich."

A big thank you to all said friends. You keep my head on straight when I can't do it myself.

And, last, but not least, a 26 week belly shot. I've definitely "popped", and though this pic doesn't show it, it's all out in the front. No, I doubt the boy/girl thing has much to do with it...it's just how I carry bubs. I'm definitely feeling the itchy belly stretch now. I must now use my arms instead of my ab muscles to get up from seated/reclining position. My sacrum gets out of whack regularly. I can no longer deny it: there's a real baby in there.

Please note my poor, swollen nose and cheeks. *pats self on head*

Bigfoot has been sighted.

2008-11-24T08:38:00.000-08:00

Can you guess which foot mine looks like? :OP (Don't do it out loud. I'm hormonal.)

Today I'm drinking dandelion tea, taking a long bath, and drinking plenty of h2o. And giggling when my preschooler says, "Mommy, why does your nose look funny?"

Ahhhh, swelling.

24 weeks!

2008-11-13T20:24:00.000-08:00

Baby Belly has really popped in the past week. Round ligament pains are really getting to me, and trying to sleep is a monster! I'm squarely into "large" maternity clothes, but XL are still swallowing me whole. :OP Ye Olde body is hairier. (Don't cringe, it's just a reality of gestation. Rocking head of hair, and hair everywhere else, too. Even my toes.) I'm having to modify my yoga a bit more, too, to make room for this big ol' belly.

Food, weight, pregnancy.

2008-11-12T06:02:00.000-08:00

I'm now at the point that I start packing on weight like nobody's business. Trying to keep a healthy perspective is a challenge, especially when every "pregnant" model you see looks suspiciously like one of those teeny bopper models with a pillow stuffed under her shirt. :OP

With my first pregnancy, I gained 50lbs. (You're free to gasp. It's shocking, I know.) I lost it all within 6 months. With my second, I gained 60. (Gasp #2.) I lost it all in 6 months. I could have cut back a *few* treats, but don't entertain the mental image of me lounging in the couch eating 2,000 dingdongs. I didn't. I just tend to gain while playing the preggie.

So, my plan this time is to eat reasonably, exercise decently (30min a day), and to not let the scale get to me. I can do that. If I can come out of a pregnancy with a baby built on a healthy diet and a body that has retained some amount of flexibility and muscle tone, I'll count it a success, no matter what the number says. In the end, I think that's my best bet for being somewhat energetic and in a good mindset for regaining a more active lifestyle. (Self talking here)

Soo, a genuine sampling of my pregnancy diet:

Yesterday:

-Breakfast: smoothie with yogurt, oatmeal, berries, banana, raw coconut flakes almonds, celery, liquid chlorophyll and stevia
-some hummus and baby carrots
-Lunch: a bowl of healthy choice canned tortilla soup (yucko!! I need groceries.)
-a apple and half a banana, a couple of swiped bites of my toddler's berry yogurt
-Dinner: my husband's amazing baked spaghetti with whole wheat pasta and Parmesan. The man is amazing. <3

Today:
-Breakfast: Smoothie with fresh mango (which hides the metallic taste of liquid iron surprisingly well!), frozen peaches, banana, couple TB of cooked oatmeal, raw almonds, liquid chlorophyll, floradix with iron and flax seed oil.

We have a kicker!

2008-11-06T08:58:00.001-08:00

I've spent the morning watching my belly visibly jump and roll. It's fun. :D

This baby is REAL!!

Almost 23 weeks

2008-11-05T06:25:00.000-08:00

I can't believe I'm almost 23 weeks already!!

Baby is thumping around more and more...last night was the first bedtime kick fest. :D

I'm definitely slowing down a bit. On days when I endeavor too much, I pay for it dearly in the way of fatigue the next day. :OP I think I MUCH prefer being pregnant through the holidays and cooler weather. More distractions, less heat. Time passes much fast more quickly.

I'm having a hard time getting my family to understand that I need special support and attention right now. :o/ By pregnancy #3, the novelty has worn off, even though you're much more tired than before. Actually, if anything, I'm catching more grumbling, resentment, sass and snark than before. Sometimes I feel like the tired old pack mule that everyone wishes was horse. Fun. It's hard and lonely sometimes. :OP My biggest strength and comfort is God, who has been so tangible in his comfort.

Pregnant and sick.

2008-10-22T05:52:00.000-07:00

Since the blood volume of a pregnant gal is ultimately increased by 40-50% during gestation, it follows that your skin/ tissues with be more "glowing" and engorged (such an ugly word). The nasal passages are no exception. So even when I *don't* have a cold, breathing is slightly trickier. (decreased lung space also ensures that!) With a cold, it's downright aggravating.

I hate pregnant coughing. Loosened joints make it more likely that you'll pull something during a violent fit of hacking. Peeing on one's self is also a very real possibility. Sleep is already sketchy, and adding coughing and stuffy nose to the mix makes it nearly impossible.

I'm waking up early, because I can't take laying down anymore, not because I'm well rested. Which gives me a tired headache on top of the sinus headache.

Oh yeah. And no decongestants (not that i recommend them anyway) or any painkiller but Tylenol for you.

Oy vey. I don't complain a lot in "real life" because the show must go on, but, crap, this is NOT a lot of fun.

Craving SALAD!

2008-10-17T09:36:00.000-07:00

As in, I can't eat ENOUGH of it.

With dd #1, I wanted chocolate ice cream (accounting, quite possibly, for my 50 lb weight gain). With #2, it was mangoes and spicy food. This time, I want SALAD. I've eaten at least 4 in the last 3 days. :OP I can't get enough of it!! Salad with balsamic vinegar with lots of greens. Mmmmmmmmmm.

Today's lunch was half a bag of mixed greens, cabbage, chickpeas, avocado, apple, green bell pepper, flax seed, olive oil and lots of balsamic vinegar. This weekend I think I'll make some tabbouleh and a GIANT fruit salad. And maybe a good greek salad with cherry tomatoes and goat cheese. :D

RRRRRRRAARMMMMM GRUMMM RRRRRRUUUUM! I'm a hungry pregnant woman, and I'm happily stomping through a produce market near YOU! Run for your lives!! ;OP

Hold my hand, and we're halfway there...

2008-10-16T06:10:00.000-07:00

First midwife visit

2008-10-13T14:13:00.000-07:00

We had our first MW visit today! :D

Baby likes to kick at the doppler. *grin* Nice, normal, in the middle of the road heartbeat. <3

Our 4yo didn't care for the blood draw, but liked getting a piece of candy at the end was pretty neato. I'll get the blood results in a few weeks, and will probably wait until the next visit to hear about it (barring, of course, something hugely pressing). I'm taking Floradix with iron this time around, and my BP is perfect, so that's a plus. I'm forgiven for not taking prenatals, mostly because I'd been taking folic acid, cal/mag, vit D, and the liquid iron. That and I'm a veg head. :OP

I opted out of the pap smear (although I need to get one done this next spring) to avoid wonky results from one done in pregnancy. That, and I hate pap smears and blood draws in the same day. Weanie. :OP

Urine is normal, uterus is measuring normal, I've gained 9 lbs at nearly 20 weeks (I'll take it! Not too shabby), and everything is good, good, good!

I need to make a Dr's appointment to get my emergency pitocin, ect...she can run an ultrasound there, too, but I think we'll probably opt out of it this time.

Everything's boring and normal, as far as can be told. I like boring. *grin*

I almost passed out (grimace, blush, eye roll) after my blood draw, an affliction from adolescence that, incidentally, my husband and I both share. Other people's blood doesn't bother me, but something about my own blood...skeeve. I was sitting with my head between my legs while they made me a glass of emergen-C, and Noni asked me what I was doing. I answered, "Looking at the floor! Wanna look with me? *forced mommy cheer*" She responded: "No thanks, mama. Dat Ok." hehe.

On a personal note, I adore my MW. Seriously. I leave her office feeling involved, smart, capable, informed and buoyant. And cared for, which is a big plus for a busy mama who doesn't get mothered on a regular basis! I got to meet her assistant today (who wasn't there for my 2yo's birth, because she'd just given birth herself), and I really liked her, too. We joked around and hit it off nicely. :D

My kiddos actually left the MW's house crying, "But I looooove Mrs D! I'm going to miss her!" It makes me smile.

19 Weeks

2008-10-12T14:08:00.000-07:00

Dreaming, Gestation Style.

2008-10-07T06:57:00.000-07:00

Here comes the crazy dreams. (EEP!) I've already had quite a few really interesting ones, mostly revolving around violence, the bizarre, odd sex, and monsters of various kinds.

But these are some of my first baby related ones. :OP

The first triggered by the above picture, which is either a hoax, or a picture of a women with a wafer-thin uterine wall. Either way, apparently, my brain was trying to make sense of it.

I dreamed I was vacationing in someone's musty old house (clearly not an unfulfilled wish dream, lol), and the baby started kicking and finally shoving out body parts that were clearly outlined and recognizable like the picture, ending with her little face poking WAY out and smiling. And me thinking, "Wow, now! Aren't you just big for 19 weeks! Making I have the due date way off. " I kept worrying that she'd (I always have an assumed sex for the baby in my dreams) somehow pop right through my skin, and kept football holding my abdomen in wonder, trying to contain the impatient spawn, lol. Thanks a LOT, photo shop!

The second involved a baby whose skull plates had already fused, prohibiting all molding, and who had a ridiculously large head. Somehow, I had x-ray vision, and my pelvis had also shrunk. I remember gritting my teeth in frustration and thinking, "Hmm. This is going to be a difficult labor". Didn't even think, "Hmmm. Finding hats to fit YOU is going to be difficult, little pumpkin head child." I'm not sure what my plan was at that point, lol. Turbo pelvic squeeze, perhaps?

Baby #3. Thoughts.

2008-10-06T12:58:00.000-07:00

I'm noticing and being reminded that there is a distinct difference for many women in carrying their third child. It's interesting.

I'm much more exhausted this time around. More prone to panic attacks and insane worries. Feeling more disconnected and less excited (mostly because I don't have *time* to explore my feelings about this baby).

Physically, I'm SO sluggish in the supposedly "energetic" second trimester. I started experiencing round ligament pains at 5 weeks, and Braxton Hicks contractions at 14 weeks! Everything is more, and sooner. More acne. Sooner sleep discomforts.

And, honestly, everything is ho-hum. There's not the giddy excitement of "first baby". There's not the busy research to have a better birth that I had with baby #2. To be sure, I'm so excited to meet this little one, and I wish I could only slow down for half an hour to think about it! But there's no slowing, and no time to ponder. I feel drained and humorless.

I don't really put it down to "it must be a boy this time", as many women have experienced the "third baby" phenomenon.

Other people, especially men, are less enchanted and excited about the pregnancy. People gape in the grocery store as you cart around two small children AND a belly, rather than beaming at you knowingly and grabbing things for you. :OP

And the women in my life, especially those who are mothers, have been *especially* supportive.

It's interesting, and bewildering, and tiring, and...unique.

Thumpity thump thump

2008-09-29T10:38:00.000-07:00

Baby's really thumping around on a regular basis now. :oD

Body Pillows...every body should have one.

2008-09-25T12:20:00.001-07:00

I slept better last night, and am feeling MUCH better. And deeply grateful that the earth is cooling in our part of the country (finally!). :D Cool weather is my friend.

My MW appointment is Oct. 13th, and people are starting to hound me about due dates and why the heck we aren't getting an ultrasound to find out "what it is". *evil smirk*

"WELL random woman in the grocery (dramatic sigh), the last two have been human, so this time, we're really hoping for a Lemur, because they're SO darn fuzzy and cute. *Silly giggle and hair flip* But since it's not routine for a homebirth MW practice, we'll have to wait and see. Nice shoes. ;o)"

Nothing quite as cranky...

2008-09-24T13:01:00.000-07:00

As an overtired pregnant mother of small children.

I'm SO very tired today, even though I got at least 7 hours of sleep. I feel so hateful, and my first inclination is to YELL in reaction to even someone tugging on my sleeve for anything. I feel like a monster. :o( I'm having to really reign myself in and try SO hard not to snap at everyone. Yucko.

I'm not even sure, at this point, what I might do to alleviate it. A nap is out of the question...I'd wake to find the house down around my ears. In the long run, so not worth it.

The amount of caffeine I'd need to consume in order to survive isn't very healthy for the wee one. Frick.

Whoever said the second trimester was a wellspring of energy and enthusiasm clearly never gestated with two small children underfoot. Or they're the perky spawn of Richard Simmons.

Exercise while expecting...

2008-09-23T07:01:00.000-07:00

How scary is it that whenever I go to exercise, this (above) frightening apparition from my childhood comes back to haunt me? It runs through my head so often, it's feet should be hurting. :P

I've been walking every day, and every other day doing the AMAZING prenatal yoga dvd from Gaiam with Shiva Rea. (I got mine for significantly less expensive than they sell for at, say, Target on Amazon.com) If you can get over the annoying repetitiveness of the background music, it's beautifully modified for each trimester. The stretching is wonderful, and the poses encourage muscle tone without sending your heart rate soaring through the ceiling. A very well done program. I always end up feeling relaxed and worked out, but never exhausted or hurting. :oD Very easy on the already loosened joints. I like.

(I have a couple weeks to the halfway mark, and I think I'm doing well in my goal to gain around 30lbs. I'd even be happy with 35-40 (20 pounds less than last time). I realize that sounds like a LOT (and it is), but on a medium build 5'9" frame, it's not really all that overwhelming OR easy for me to lose. I'd be happy with a muscular 35 lbs. We'll see. :o) )

My goal is 40 min a day, enough to keep my metabolism going and my muscle tone good...something that's very important for protecting posture, and in turn, joints and ligaments. More muscle tone and flexibility, less aching towards the end. That's a good thing.

Feeling better, energy rising!

2008-09-11T11:12:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was SO draining for me, but I think it's because I had a bit of a tummy bug the night before...or maybe an intestinal blockage of some kind. :oS No one ever warns you that constipation and the opposite problem can go hand in hand, *especially* while you're pregnant.

Today, no weird abdominal feelings, and my energy is up again. After drinking LOADS of water and a smoothie with lots of roughage, and doing a verrrry gentle belly massage while in the shower in the area that felt, erm, blocked up, things are back to normal.

On top of that, my energy level during the day is almost back to my really peppy normal. Yeah!! In the evenings, I'm completely wiped out, which is understandable for pregnancy. The body's way of telling me my energy is rightly diverted to elsewhere. <3 All the same, it's nice to have 3-4 hours of "normal" in the middle of the day. It's the afternoons and evenings when "crazy hour" comes with dinner and sleepy kiddos that send me crying into my pillow...when you're drained and fragile feeling, all that can be so overwhelming.

My diet is better, now, too, a little, since I'm not feeling queasy ALL the time. If I get hungry or too tired, I'm still green, but I've only thrown up once this week. Yay, not regurgitating every morning!

Today, so far, I've had a cherry banana protein smoothie (no soy, thank you!) for breakfast, and quinoa pilaf (Seeds of Change's spicy Cilantro is *seriously* good), apples, and baby carrots and yogurt spinach dip. Yummmm. And I actually horked it down without feeling icky at all. Enjoyed it! This is the not so terrible part...

I continue to feel kicks, and I think I experienced my first BH yesterday, which wigged me out a bit. I suppose it's normal to have them earlier with each pregnancy, especially when you're not drinking enough water.

Heartburn

2008-09-03T18:08:00.000-07:00

I hate heartburn and indigestion. Blech.

Recently, I remembered that I *might* have remnants of a bottle of digestive enzyme in my vitamin basket, so I went scrounging around in there...and I had some. Relief in almost 20min...it was glorious! Papaya is great for a little heartburn, and for the heavy duty indigestion, the digestive enzyme is perfect.

It certainly beats having to sleep propped up on eight pillows. My usual two or three are just fine, now, thank you. ;o)

That, and remembering to eat small amounts. Like, really small. And not drinking insane amounts of water with my food (which is tricky when you're used to chugging water like a camel the way I'm prone to do). Which means eating ALL day long to keep from getting nauseated. I long for the days when I could skip a meal because I got involved in what I was doing, and suffering no ill effects.

Yawn. Off to bed with me.

Breakfast: bowl of cereal and some yogurt with rice powder mixed in. Yum.

Lunch: rice pasta with cheese and some apple

Dinner: homemade veggie lasagna

I'm actually eating veggies and fruits again...WHOOT!

Hypoglycemia

2008-08-30T06:26:00.001-07:00

Because I tend to be hypoglycemic in pregnancy, sugar is NOT my friend. Which is really tricky for someone who has a developed appreciation for chocolate. :OP

I've come to realize that my battle with morning sickness and headaches is largely due to hyper-sensitive blood sugar levels. The sugar crash most people would feel after polishing off a box of donuts I get from eating a bowl of raisin bran. It's a wild, crazy roller coaster of trying to juggle protein and complex sugars. The simple stuff is out, even too much fruit at one time. Gar.

I have to be careful, too, because once I have a little too much and crash, my body craves even more to level me out again. It's a vicious cycle. And if I allow myself to eat that much sugar constantly, I'll shoot my pancreas to pancreas hades, and end up with a hefty mama and baby at the end of the show, as well as a baby whose sugar is all out of whack after birth. No me likey.

So, basically, I'm on a diabetic diet for now, which means that even natural sweeteners are out, or at least used quite sparingly. It's not a big adjustment from how I normally eat, but it does mean that one of my last-ditch crutches when I'm feeling emotionally vulnerable is out. No tiny cartons of mocha ice cream, no chocolate bars. Not unless I want to feel like roadkill.

And since I'm strongly against artificial sweeteners, that means I have to tame my sweet tooth altogether. Just as well!

12 Week belly pic

2008-08-29T15:10:00.000-07:00

I'm getting my energy back slowly...ever so slowly! I spent a good week getting our house and lives back in order, tightening up again on rules and schedule, and finally things are starting to resemble order. *whew*

I'm still having iffy days blood sugar wise, and if I don't eat, I still tailspin into rounds of the dry heaves. And smells still get to me on an empty stomach. Gack. (The moral to THAT story is eat, eat, eat regularly!) But, overall, I'm feeling more normal. :o)

I'm now getting dizzy sleeping on my back, and can no longer sleep on my belly. Nighttime is a little bit of a challenge as we're transitioning our 2yo into being night weaned and sleeping in a crib rather than under mama's arm. She's doing surprisingly well, and isn't experiencing too much anxiety during the day as a byproduct...score!!

I'm typically in bed by 9:30 or so. Sooooo sleepy at the end of the day.

Energy Burst!!

2008-08-15T11:00:00.000-07:00

Today I got two loads of laundry done, cooked lunch, cleaned the girl's bathroom, cleaned our bedroom, cleaned the kitchen and mopped the kitchen floor. :oO

I'm now relaxing on the couch (watching recorded women's gymnastics) and actually feeling OK, not wiped out like I imagined I might be.

I smile. :o)

Some rice with lots of Bragg's and scrambled eggs seems to have prompted decent water consumption...between the salts and the liquid, my headache is gone for a while. Whoohoo!

2008-08-14T10:16:00.000-07:00

During one's first trimester (or ANY trimester) is a stupid time to be on a super strict budget that doesn't even allow for $5 of spending on a SHIRT that actually fits.

It's a stupid time to have to cook every cotton picking meal from scratch.

It's a stupid time to never have money on hand to satisfy any cravings at all, not that anyone would ever run out and get anything for me anyway.

A stupid time to have sick kiddos, and a stupid time to have to try to nightwean.

It's a stupid time to have NO pants that fit.

It's a stupid time to not have massages or flowers or anything special at all.

It's a stupid time to feel ugly and miserable overall.

Yes, I'm know I'm feeling witchy. And I wish I had a broom to fly far, far away on.

I'd give just about anything to feel good again. :o(

Movement

2008-08-13T12:38:00.000-07:00

I felt the first "flutters" a couple of days ago, two weeks earlier than I felt them with Naomi, and four weeks before Esther. <3 It was truly cool.

Our baby is about the same weight as two of these sugar packets.

The dull, constant headache has started, too, on top of continued nausea. :o/ Finding the right balance between protein and carbs is almost impossible, and my blood sugar is wild. Eating any sugar besides fruits for me would be suicide right now, and I'm almost not joking. Eating one small sweet is enough to send me reeling on the floor. This is truly demoralizing...I can tell I'm started to become depressed. I think 3 kiddos might be it for us, barring adoption someday. The first tri for me (especially with 2 kids in the house) is pretty hellish.

Adding to the frustration is the fact that Naomi is clinging and screaming whenever I tell her she can't nurse all day, and both girls have nasty summer colds.

I won't lie. I'm miserable right now.

I want this part to be over two weeks ago.

Gestation personality magnification

2008-08-11T13:27:00.000-07:00

I've found that pregnancy tends to take whatever traits I naturally have and make them more pronounced. Acne. Boobs. Intuition. Dreams. Introversion.

Lately, the latter is getting my goat. :OP

Normally, I'm a borderline introvert who enjoys people but needs her personal space to reflect and process. My strengths lie in reading others and helping them process their feelings, so I enjoy being around people (especially safe people) in moderation. People are fun.

But while I'm gestating, my urge to even avoid waving at the post lady is revved up to the max. At the grocery, I pick the grumpiest looking cashier I can find, so they'll not try to make small talk. I avoid phone calls. Nothing personal. I just don't feel like talking!

My husband (who is normally MUCH more introverted than I) drags me outside or to friend's homes kicking and protesting. I usually end up enjoying myself once I'm out, but my gut instinct is to curl up with a book and protect my heart from the barrage of humanity that hits me as soon as I go out. SO many emotions out there, so many things to get emotional over, so many things to get easily wrapped up in!

What's more, when I do try to talk, it comes out like, "Well, the thing that makes the world so fruity behind the porch is a real mess of a piano piece. Bananas!" Brain is totally shot. Vocabulary, which is usually quite decent runs away to the point that I've considered carrying a pocket thesaurus in my purse, like some annoying American tourist sporting a French phrase book while visiting Paris. Sentence fragments abound, because those superfluous little words just drain my life force.

If I see you in public and run away, fear not. I don't hate you. I'm just living in my own little world of dreamy nausea-induced introversion. And, if you dare, say hello and keep me from being a total hermit. I might just say, "Hang the wall pineapple and have a great taco! Shazaam!" :oP

If I had a fairy godmother...

2008-08-06T11:56:00.000-07:00

I'm not usually a big whiner, and don't indulge my fantasies too often...but today I'm employing a parenting technique that my oldest daughter loves: coping with frustration by indulging in a "I wish I could just...." session.

If I had a fairygodmother, I'd ask her to wave her magic wand and:

1. Make it autumn! The heat is stifling and icky, and all my maternity clothes are long sleeved. I love the cool crisp breeze, and colors and smells of autumn...mmmmmm. <3

2. Make this nausea go away! It's so tiring. Blech. I'm done.

3. Turn ALL my dirty laundry into clean laundry...bippityboppityboo!! :oD

4. Make my 2yo stop stripping and widdling puddles on my floor.

5. Make dinner cooking, floor scrubbing rabbits and mice appear to cheer me up. :OP

I can do this. I CAN do this...

2008-08-03T16:08:00.000-07:00

I'm thinking I have a month or so left exhaustion/nausea. It's starting to get to me. :OP My oldest daughter is visiting grandma for the weekend, so I'm getting a bit of a rest and chance for sleep (though I miss my Princess sorely!).

Smells are sending my head reeling. My husband and toddler ate garlic yesterday, and nursing her is pure torture. GACK!! My stomach churns.

Black pepper, spicy foods, acidic things and too much food are giving me horrid indigestion, which makes nausea worse. Between indigestion and excess salivation, I'm counting the days until the second trimester.

I'll write more later- for now, I'm resting on the couch.

Breakdown

2008-07-30T08:44:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling so stretched to my limits today. I'd make a video, but I'm sure I'd start crying, and I'm ugly when I cry. :OP

I went to the grocery store this morning, the best time of day to go out with the girls, even though I felt like tossing my cookies. I got a bunch of dinners that Nate can make, as well as easy but mostly healthy food for us to eat during the day...and by the end, the girls were antsy and I was completely exhausted to the point of tears.

I was testy with both kiddos in the checkout line, and drove around the block a few times trying to muster the courage to wrangle them and all the grocery bags into the house on the way home.

I slung all the cold things into the fridge and got a box of nut crackers out for the girls. I'm now sitting on the couch watching the room spin, hating that EVERY little thing seems to throw my blood sugar out of whack, and wishing I could have a good, long cry and a nap. Blah.

If normal mothering requires forcing one's self to do things I'd rather not, this is an entirely different plane of gritted determination. I don't WANT to be patient, and I don't WANT to take care of everything. I will of course, but not without wishing wistfully to just lay on the bed and let the fan soothe me for a few hours.

I hate that my whole day revolves around trying to get my sugar stable. I hate feeling so sick. I wholeheartedly praise God for such smooth second and third trimesters so far, and I consider myself so lucky to never have been on bedrest. But MS is the PITS.

It's not a pity party. It's more like a pity crisis.

The rest of the groceries can wait.

Still green.

2008-07-27T14:49:00.000-07:00

If I eat too little, I feel green.

If I eat too much, I feel green.

If I eat or even smell the wrong thing, look out Nellie.

If I exercise, I feel green.

If I drink too much water at once...green.

So far, eating a bit of protein every couple of hours and sipping watered down juice seems to work OK at keeping me from feeling completely seasick all day (and night).

This, for the record, is my least favorite part of pregnancy. Heck, I'd do labor twice as a tradeoff, and I'm really not kidding. :OP

2008-07-24T14:58:00.000-07:00

If I were Juno McGuff today, I'd be barfing in Brenda's urn. That is all.

All I've eaten is half a piece of cold cheese pizza (gack), some puffed millet, and a bowl of rice chex.

No blue slushies.

I managed some laundry, cleaning the kitchen, but nothing beyond that, really. Everything's a blur.

Short and Semi-Sweet.

2008-07-23T07:08:00.000-07:00

Very, very nauseated today, even after breakfast, which usually takes care of the queasy factor for at least an hour. Not so this morning. I'll be calling up my mom to distract me through getting the kitchen clean (something I *always* do after dinner, but instead fell asleep in bed with my clothes on last night). There's nothing worse than the overpowering smell of garlic in a kitchen when the room is spinning.

This is the part of the story where I stop eating as much. :o/

So far:

-millet and organic milk
-bocca "chicken" sandwhich and a plum

I should be exercising a bit today, but if I do at all, it will probably be outdoors this evening where the air doesn't smell like books and dust. *shiver*

No, no, it's not a REAL baby belly yet...

2008-07-22T06:05:00.000-07:00

I've received several knowing glances and comments about my pregnancy from people whom I haven't announced my pregnancy to. They want to know how far along I am, at which point I groan, because I'm not really far enough along to be "showing".

(As an aside, the expression "showing" is amusing to me, because it makes a bigger belly sound so voluntary..."Ahhh, well, I wasn't going to let you know that I'm carrying a five month fetus in my abdomen, but since you insist... *boing!* I'll show you! Hey everyone look! I'm showing!! Ok, I'm done. *sucking noise* Show's over, people.")

It's indelicate to explain why I've acquired such a gut already, and usually I just let them puzzle or assume I've gone Cookie Monster on a box of donuts.

But, if you don't know already, lean in closely, I'm going to share a secret: I have GAS! Pregnancy is rife with it. Also, the hormones that are frolicking around my body have made some interesting changes already, including relaxing almost everything, including my joints and my bowels. Yes, bowel distention.

When an overly inquisitive soul at the grocery commented with wide eyes that I was huge already and probably carrying twins, I retorted grumpily, "No, no...I'm very, VERY constipated, actually." She stood slack-jawed, as if it were a rude response to a normal question, rather than an honest response to an intrusive one. :oP

Fortunately, it is somewhat manageable. Lots of water, lots of fiber, lots of walking. Lots of crying and eating watermelon (the latter of which kills two birds with one stone: it helps with water retention, too). Alfalfa tablets and enough water to make Shamu dizzy. All helpful.

But, no, the baby is still the size of a grape. My uterus is smaller than a grapefruit. What little old ladies are patting without my permission is a gas baby. ;o) :OP

Chomp:
-pineapple banana coconut smoothie w/ rice protein
-C of soymilk
-big plate of homemade Huevos Rancheros with some raw carrots. :oD mmmmmmm.
-some GF ginger snaps and milk
-berry soyjoy bar
-GF bruschetta

Queasy, weezy, sneezy, grumpy, sleepy, cravy and clingy

2008-07-21T11:11:00.000-07:00

We managed to pick up a bit of a cold while we were on our road trip, the girls being quite a bit more snuffly than me. Me? I'm nauseated, which is a good sign, and also has me smiling wanly and bracing for the next five weeks or so. My 22mo has taken permanent residence in my lap, and the teeth gritting patience has begun.

I did grocery shopping today, and was amazed at the food aversions I experienced! I'm totally repulsed by meat (not surprised, since our bodies tend to be smart about toxins and things that are hard to digest). Very sweet things and bread with strong smells are totally revolting right now, too. Coffee might as well be steaming toxic sludge. *shudder*

I remember distinctly that perfumed soaps and detergents used to send me reeling with my first pregnancy, but naturally the unscented and naturally scented things I use now don't bother me at all. Go figure, right? Our bodies' ability to filter out the bad is pretty phenomenal, and it's really a shame we're not all wired that way all the time. Walking anywhere near the laundry detergent aisle in a big bix store is pure torture.

I'm really craving and drawn to Chinese and Thai food, mellon, fruit with a bit of acid, tomatoes and cold things with yogurt and fruit in them. Oh!! And Heuvos Rancheros. I could eat three big plates of it.

My hair!! It's grown about an inch in the last month, which is really fast for my hair. If it keeps growing this quickly (and also not shedding hairs as fast as usual), I think I'll dread it once it gets a few inches past my shoulders. Once I start the great post partum hair shed, it'll be no big deal, since healthy dreads will hold the loose hairs anyway. Poor Nate. He shudders at the thought. *giggle*

Today, I'm in "eat the healthiest things that sound palatable" mode:

-Bolthouse Farms protein shake
-organic mushroom and carrot soup, with a pinch of Horizon cheese
-quite a several gluten free ginger snaps
-1/3 C of chocolate soymilk, which ended up not appealing as much as I thought it might
-bowl of ginger Thai noodles
- Black Bean verde enchiladas with zucchini

Protein intake so far today: 40g. With dinner, it should be more like 55 or 60. Not bad for right now.

I'll do 30min on the eliptical after I do some laundry slinging and kid wrangling.

Sneezy and Weezy are getting into the icebox. Queasy out.

7 weeks, and a wee bit tired

2008-07-20T14:03:00.000-07:00

Even though I've long since sworn off my first used pastel copy of "What to Expect When You're Expecting", and even though I've gone through gestation twice now, and even though my doula library is amply rounded out with more than decent sources...I still feel oddly compelled to find and read a week by week report on our pregnancy.

This week's fortune cookie says:

"Marveling over a baby's tiny fingers and toes is one of the joys of the first day of life. Those fingers and toes are just beginning to form this week, and the arms can even flex at the elbows and wrists. The eyes are becoming more obvious because they’ve begun to develop pigment (color) in the retina (back of the eye).

Also, the intestines are getting longer and there isn’t enough room for them in the baby’s abdomen, so they protrude into the umbilical cord until week 12.

By now, the beginnings of the buds that will develop into your baby's genitals have made their appearance, although they've not yet developed enough to reveal whether your baby is a boy or a girl."

The queasies are rolling in, a tiny bit stronger each day, and I'm still tired, which is a good sign, I 'spose. That means that human growth hormone is still rising in my body, which translates into a still growing bean. :o)

Esther has informed me that if the baby should be a boy, we should name it "Poodle". I happen to disagree, and am currently working on a list of feasible alternatives, which I will certainly not post until a later date. :OP

2008-07-11T12:36:00.000-07:00

I'm getting very, very tired so easily. I realize this is no groundbreaking news in the pregnancy universe, but it always yanked the rug from under my feet quicker than I expect. It takes my breath away!

This morning I did some laundry, cleaned the kitchen, mopped the floor and vaccuumed a bit, made lunch, deep-cleaned the girl's room out, taking care of the girls obviously, and taking a lot of breaks in between. I'm still completely zapped by 3:30pm. :OP

I still have to pack for our trip tomorrow, and I should do some reading with the girls, but I'm feeling soooooooo LAZY. * blush * I want a giant float on a great big lazy river that meanders through a mosquito free forest to float on... and take a NAP. Jumping in a good book would also be an acceptable alternative, but I have a suspicion that I'd end up snoring with my face pressed into the pages.

today's chow:
-millet and rice milk, and 1 piece of GF toast with PB
-handfull of almonds
-green lemonade with cranberry juice, kale and flax
-C of rice noodles, "cheese" and 1/2C yogurt
-tonight we'll have garbanzo and fennel stew, with chickpeas, fennel, garlic, and tomatoes

2008-07-10T12:36:00.001-07:00

Grubbage for today and yesterday:

yesterday:

-millet and rice milk
-garbanzo, kidney bean, artichoke, and tomato salad with olive oil and sea salt
-rice cakes
-sweet pepper thai rice with braggs-seasoned tofu and orange bell/carrots, and stir fried red cabbage

today:
-pineapple, almond, coconut, banana, plain yogurt smoothie :o)
-avocado nori rolls, miso soup, 1 C stir fried cashews, zucchini and mushrooms
-a cup of brown rice noodles and a bit of roasted chicken
-a couple slices of thin crust margarita pizza

30 min exercise. *Pat myself on the back*

Super Nose.

2008-07-08T16:04:00.000-07:00

I have plenty of magical powers, most of them imagined, including my power turn rude people who cut me off on the road into stone with a single glare. (Lasers come from my steely eyes, and poof! They've turned to granite like trolls in the sunshine! *giggle*)

One very real power, however, that I only posses while gestating is SuperNose. I can smell things. Oh, it's real. Very real.

So far, it's only surfaced once or twice. Mostly when I'm feeling queasy. Last night, I noted that a woman at the other end of the grocery store aisle favors Dove brand deodorant. At the park today a child across the playground was wearing a horrible smelling sunscreen, Banana Boat, I think. Fennel and dill smelled wonderful in the produce section; broccoli, cabbage, and radishes were awful. Something smelled suspiciously like poo at the playground, but I never could locate the source (without looking like a crazed bloodhound).

I suppose this is keep our bodies very aware of what we're handling and ingesting. Interesting that some of the most off putting smells are chemical smells, things we should probably avoid anyway! One of the only times when I can easily avoid sweets and chocolate is when Supernose is in play. It's annoying, sure, at times, but also pretty cool (as long as I avoid the detergent and perfume aisles). Pregnant bodies are smart and instinctual, neatly equipped with what we need to survive.

Very nifty.

Just don't say my name backwards. It might take away my power to smell.

Surprise!

2008-07-08T07:35:00.000-07:00

#3 is on the way at the V.O. household.

I really wasn't terribly suspicious, as I tend to worry and stress over whether I'm pregnant or not every month. I joked with a close friend during a "mom's night out" that I might as well pick up my monthly two pack of tests so I could take it, take a fuzzy picture of it, and text it to my good friend Lindsay to confirm it's negativeness, so she can hear me simultaneously squeal with relief and cry from disappointment. :OP

Imagine my surprise when that mystical, mysterious and life changing second line appeared. I was so shocked, I purchased two boxes of orange tictacs (my non-natural guilty pleasure) and absently ate both boxes as the news sunk in.

SO, here we are again! I feel at advantage this time, as I don't feel the need to research birth choices (though I'm constantly reading birth books anyway), I won't be gestating in the heat of the summer, and I take my moods slightly less seriously this time.

Esther is thrilled, and Naomi isn't sure what to make of the buzz. Things were a little emotionally charged for everyone in our house this weekend, but we're all settling back into our "normal" routine as the surprise is wearing off. I'm settling in for the long haul, and focusing on living in the moment this time around (which is kind of a necessity with our two energetic little fairies).

I'm looking forward to the scenic drive to my midwives's house in the autumn and winter. I'm looking forward to trying NOT to gain 60lbs this time around. To pestering Nate by filling every crack and crevice of precious silence with name picking quandaries.

What I'm not able to imagine yet is a tiny baby in our house, or holding it, or what he/she might look like. It's beyond me still.

Right now, we're focused on summer fun, one more upcoming road trip, and the girls' birthdays. :o) It's enough for now.